I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
