i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
