chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
