I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
