hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
