yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
