You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
