Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
