Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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