need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
