I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
