she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
