Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you traded sex for a burrito?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
