I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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