.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
