Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
