Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
