White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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