But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
