3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He uses pillows to masturbate.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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