the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
