I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We are two peas in an std pod
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
