Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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