How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
