Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
