my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
