high people should be assigned attendants
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
