my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
