with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
