You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
