Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize