She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
