dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
