You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
