That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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