So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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