i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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