we're chasing vodka with high fives
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
