I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
