the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize