Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
