Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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