Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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