I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
