We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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