I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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