I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize