Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Randomize
