I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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