I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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