During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
