Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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