I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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