just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
