She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
