This girl is more easily done than said...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
