it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
