come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
