definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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