guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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