Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize