Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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