the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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