is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
