dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
