i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
