After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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