Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it's like iHOP with fire
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
