Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just found a bag of teeth...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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