24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
