Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
