the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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