Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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