i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dear god my vagina.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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