The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
