dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
