i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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