I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
