just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
