I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All I want is dick and wine.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
