well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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