Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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