I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
