It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
