It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
