I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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