cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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