I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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